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Friday, 08 January 2010 03:59 |
These are by all measures, troubled times. That is certainly not news to anyone. Marital problems may be the result of tough economic times or may simply be the straw breaking the camel's back. Whatever the cause or effect of a deteriorating marriage, there are ways that you can approach a pending divorce that will lessen conflict, clarify issues and in the end maybe get you a "better result."
Te begin, there is no way any attorney can entirely predict the result of a divorce. There are simply too many variables. You are unique, so is your spouse (and so is the judge). Your marriage relationship is or was as well. Therefore, I define "better result" as exiting your marriage safe, sane and single, and on your merry way. No disrespect or flippancy intended for the upheaval and anxiety that a divorce causes is painful, but in some, if not many cases, the new life can be safer, calmer and clearer than the one suffering conflict and strife.
Striving to remain calm in the face of mounting anxiety can serve you well in the beginning stages of your divorce. You need several things during this "infancy."
- Information - you need information! You need financial information about your assets and debts such as what, how much, where, when. When are payments are due and when do dividends pay? What is the credit card debt, in whose name and what was it for? What is the mortgage, the market value and the other expenses related to the home? What is the balance of the 401(k) and are there any loans against it? These questions are just the tip of the iceberg. You will need much more information than what I mention here, but an early strategy is to make copies of all statements, balances, tax returns, insurance policies, deeds and other important documents, and put them in a safe place.
- Comfort - both for you and your family. Because divorce is trying, you need to take care of yourself. Do keep up your fitness plan and don't turn to excess use of external substances to ease your load. Be easy on yourself. Maybe most importantly, you should be extra supportive of your kids. They are anxious and scared about what is happening. It does not matter how young or old they are, they need to know that you and your spouse love them, no matter what is happening in your marriage.
- Counsel - stay away from the break room or the bar. You will get lots of advice and plenty of war stories about how your colleagues', co-workers' and friends' divorces went. Some of these stories may bring comfort or anxiety, but as each relationship is unique, so is each separation. Just because the same judge did this then, he or she may not do the exact same thing again. You need good, clear headed and supportive advice. Contact friends and family who love and support you without offering their "two cents" at every opportunity. See a therapist, minister or other trained counselor. This is one time in your life where you need to make good decisions "under fire" and you need clarity. Finally, choose a lawyer who is responsive to you and your situation.
Though it seems like a divorce may never be over, early action on your part to get your house in order will help make it not such a trying time. |
